For as long as I can remember, there’s been a drumming in my heart—a subtle pulse asking me to listen, inviting me to hear its message. This sound has, at times, been a dull murmur, something I can drown out with the distractions of life. At other times, it is a profound drumbeat, silencing everything else. This drumming is the call to ministry, something I have long ignored or made excuses to avoid.…
Queer women are famous for staying friends for life. Our exes are often our besties, business partners, and extended family. While straight people debate if exes can ever stay friends, queer women have made it a cultural norm. I loved you once as my lover and forever as my friend—even if we aren’t a match for lifelong romantic entanglement, I still want to be around you because I enjoy and value our connection. It seems pretty simple in the dyke…
As teachers, we come into this vocation knowing we will love and part ways with many students throughout our career. At the start of the school year, we meet dozens of new shining faces, and like a parent, we love them all equally. But every year we also find a certain special bond with some students over others. This has nothing to do with favoritism, it is simply the human nature of finding common connection. When I meet certain students…
What does it mean “to know?” How do we confirm a belief, or distinguish between bias and truth? As children, we believe what we are told. Our parents, caregivers, communities, and teachers tell us how the world works. We are given plenty of answers but rarely feel empowered to question them. As queer people, many of us were told that we didn’t have the option to be who we are—either explicitly or through the omission of our identities in conversation.…
Porn can be divisive—and, often, whether you view the erotic subject as good, bad, or neutral depends largely on the lens and framework of your gaze. On one side is the camp that sees almost all porn, as long as it's between consenting adults, as fun and fine. On the other side are the folks who equalize all types of porn and generalize them all as bad. This latter group is an interesting mix of liberal feminists, violence prevention advocates,…
When dating someone new, I always tell them that I don’t “do” anger. I’ve had unwarranted anger wielded against me before and I know how lasting those marks can be. Anger is unpredictable, unfair, and terrifying. I can’t handle another person’s abuse, another relationship spent walking on eggshells and fearing rage.…
Last month, I began a journey to tell the stories of fellow LGBTQ people who follow the religious practice of hair covering—an exploration that was born from the need to find and connect with others who are both queer and called to outwardly express their deep-faith practice. I was overwhelmed with the response to my first article on Bailey Gammon, a young, disabled, queer Quaker who covers—numerous other queer folks across the faith spectrum reached out, wishing to share their…
Dear Mom, I know you don’t always think I see you for all that you genuinely are. More than as my mother, my children’s Nonna, or my rock—but as a human being. At times, you may think I only see you through a critical lens—that I bring up what you are not, the ways in which I wish you were different, or that I make comparisons between you and other moms. Perhaps I do. But I want you to know that,…
I have always loved God. Yes, at times, I couldn’t stand to be around organized religion. And yes, at times, I even wanted to embrace Agnosticism or Atheism, simply because of the pain I felt from having religion weaponized against me. But even still, I could not escape the joy and validity of my relationship with the divine. As I have made peace with my queerness, I have also begun to re-embrace those aspects of religion and the church that…
Every once in a great while, a television show will come out that truly reflects our lived realities, our silent thoughts, and our hidden truths and, suddenly—just like that—we know that we are not alone. For me, Showtime’s Work in Progress is that show.…
